Did It

I didn't get an ice cream cone. I deserved one, but I didn't get one. I couldn't. It would have been too messy.


As I told you the other day, I really did go to my dental appointment to have a 3/4 crown put on one of my molars. I was a good girl.

I arrived on time (which is amazing in and of itself), drank a final cup of water (which was dumb because when I get nervous I have to pee like a puppy), and waited for my name to be called. I waited for . . . about 8 seconds. I assured the girl that I wasn't in a rush and if she had other things to take care of, I'd be more than happy to wait. She wasn't buying it.

I got myself settled into the chair and began to go through my mental checklist of all of the things I'd need to ensure my comfort. 1) Lots of novocaine - enough for two people. I made sure the dentist understand that I was completely willing to drool for 3 days following the procedure just to be sure I was truly numb. 2) The noise-cancelling headphones and iPod that I was promised. 3) Gas. Nitrous Oxide. I'd never had it before, but I was looking forward to any help I could get to make myself leave the room while they worked on my mouth.


Check. Check. Check.


We were good.


The iPod I was given was amazing. Eighty bajillion artists and songs were loaded onto this thing. I started myself off with some Dave Matthews Band, which I felt would go along nicely with the drug-induced haze I'd be in from the nitrous. The nose mask was put onto my face (I made the assistant swear that no photographs would be taken), and I was reminded to breathe through my nose. No small feat for a mouth-breather. The dentist did the novocaine thing (Crap! That hurt!) in three places. I took some seriously deep nose-breaths, which made the nose mask grip onto my face with major suction - and we all know how I feel about suction, and I immediately knew that I would not be treating myself to an ice cream cone when I was done. Wine. It would be wine.


The dentist started to do whatever it is that dentists do and I continued to nose-breathe. The headphones worked really well and although I could hear voices, I couldn't really make out what was being said. I do remember that the dental assistant began to sound like a valley girl with lots of Oh my Gods and likes. I know I had to stifle a few giggles because I heard her rambling on and only heard the dentist saying ah-ha and hmmmm.


Then . . . the drama. I started to become more aware of what was going on. My nitrous had been slowed and I wasn't in lala-land anymore. I opened my eyes and saw the dentist looking at me and thought he was going to tell me I was done. Nope. He said something like, I'm going to have to leave now. Huh? I'm not feeling well. I'm having trouble with my vision and I'm going to the emergency room. Huh? Dr. Blahblahblah is going to take over for me and finish the procedure. Huh? He's a great dentist and you'll be fine with him. Huh? I'm almost done with the drilling, so he'll finish that and then make the crown. What?


And then he was gone. The nitrous cranked up and I quickly sucked that nose-mask to my face until I was pretty sure it would leave a permanent impression. Then I realized that my poor dentist needed someone to drive him to the hospital. I attempted to say this to the assistant, telling her that he couldn't drive himself. Someone had to drive him. After a few tries, she understood me and took off to tell someone, while I was wondering why it took a drugged person to think about another person's safety. I switched the iPod over to Fleetwood Mac and nose-breathed again.



I was vaguely aware of a new man next to me and he continued the job. I floated and flittered and I remember thinking about blogging the experience and giggled a little. I thought about wine, too.


I opened my eyes and my original dentist was standing next to me. Huh? He took the nitrous off me and told me that he was fine. He thought he was having a major eye emergency, like a detaching retina, or maybe even a stroke. Ends up it was an ocular migraine, which he'd never had before. Never had the flashing lights or the aura. (Welcome to my world, Doctor.) He was fine and was going to complete the job.


Whatever.


I switched to Steely Dan and was reminded of my childhood, when my dad would play Steely Dan albums on the stereo on Sunday afternoons. Lots of old favorites, but I was giggling at Throw back the little ones, and pan fry the big ones. Fish are funny.


Then I was done. Done done done. Stick a fork and all that good stuff. Two and a half hours after I'd started, I could finally get out of that chair. I was told to rinse out my mouth with some special swamp-water-looking mouth rinse. How was I supposed to do that when the right side of my face was sliding off? I tried. It was messy.


No ice cream for me. Wasn't possible. No wine either. I couldn't imagine myself going into a liquor store and asking for a bottle of Barefoot Chardonnay. Pfffffffttttt Swwwwddddnnyy. I don't think they would have sold it to me.


I went home and tried to drink using the left side of my mouth. Nope. Tried a straw. Not so good either. I waited. About four hours. Then my face finally woke up.


I did it! I'm proud of myself. I'm such a good girl.

Want to see another good girl?

She's sound asleep. Notice her little pink tongue sticking out. Cuteness.

Want to see a bad girl?

She stole a package of Kleenex out of my bag.

Snagged.

Want to see a cute girl?

She thinks she's good a hiding.

I know what day it is! It's Thursday! I'm going to SnB tonight! (I don't even need those day-of-the-week undies.)